


only ever a tragedy

by xwannaflyx



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Tenten is vicious and bitter and dangerous and that's okay, Unrequited Love, i don't know how this got so sad it was supposed to be happy, i mean he's dead if that makes sense, the major character death is neji's death and it happens offscreen, what the fuck brain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 18:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17431208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xwannaflyx/pseuds/xwannaflyx
Summary: Losing Neji felt like losing a limb. It felt like a festering wound that she couldn't help poking and prodding until it bled over and spilled all over her like anger and bitterness and hurt. Tenten figured she was doing rather well. She drank tea with Hinata and spoke with people and didn't hide away in her room or murder anyone or cry all day. She was fine.Then the petals starting coming.





	only ever a tragedy

Losing Neji felt like losing a limb. She knew this was his choice, she respected that. She respected that he chose his end and pursued it the way he pursued everything else in this life, relentlessly and with a dash of vindictiveness. She just spent a lot of time feeling a little like she lost her arm.

She wasn’t the only one. Lee and she were practicing a combination attack when they realized that no one was covering the middle distance. She had always been far distance; Lee had always been close distance. The person responsible for middle distance to close distance as necessary had always been Neji. 

She poked at it. The loss of him felt like some festering wound that she's not entirely certain she wants to lose. The memory of his smirk and his laugh and the silent but limitless affection of his gaze. She remembered—remembers—all of it.

Then the petals started coming. 

“Tenten,” Hinata complained, fondness and exasperation rolled into her tone. “Tea is not to be  _ guzzled _ .” For all her disapproval, her smile remained sweet. Tenten stared at the familiar-unfamiliar fondness of that lavender gaze and the familiar way the corners of the mouth pulled down in an attempt to hide mirth. She recognized the movements; she didn’t recognize the face.

“Well,” she replied, pulling herself from darker thoughts, “I never did like leaf water.”

“ _ Leaf water? _ ” Hinata choked, her movements still pristine as she carefully placed her cup back on the table. “I can’t believe you spent all those years with Niisan and you still think tea is  _ leaf water _ .” 

Tenten snorted, almost willing to laugh at the reminder. She remembered the scandalized expression of Neji’s usual stoic face when they had first had tea together. She had been twelve—so ridiculously young, so far before all the blood and loss and terror—and they had been waiting for Lee and Gai-sensei to get back from their errand. Neji had ordered tea for the two of them his voice as demanding and aristocratic as always. When she had poked the cup with a disgruntled expression and mentioned that she only drank leaf water when sick, Neji had, for the first time she had ever seen, done a rather undignified spit take. She remembered mocking him for it for  _ ages _ and how embarrassed he had been. She remembered—

Coughs took over her. They wrenched through her chest like fire, crushing through her ribs like paper and pulling the breath out of her lungs. It felt like claws drawing through her chest. She clapped a hand over her mouth as the coughs continued, gasping out breaths when she could, when the fire released her lungs for a split second. 

“Tenten!  _ Tenten! _ ” Hinata called, her voice cracking slightly in with worry. Tenten finally opened her eyes, meeting the frantic gaze of Hinata, vision slightly blurry from the tears forced through her eyes. “Medic!” she demanded, her voice snapping out like a whip. 

“I’m fine,” Tenten said quickly, voice rasping slightly. “Fuck, maybe I choked on some stupid leaf water,” she joked, turning a weak smile on her friend. Hinata’s expression was frozen, eyes fixed on Tenten’s cupped hand. Her lips trembled slightly as she began to open her mouth but no sound escaped. “Hinata?” Tenten asked gently, eyes slowly following her fixed gaze to her own hand. 

There are pale pink and white petals resting on her hand.

_ There are pale pink and white petals resting on her hand. _

“Don’t suppose that’s possibly phlegm?” Tenten tried weakly, turning a weak smile on Hinata with a wince. Hinata’s expression turned to stone, her jaw tightening as her chakra flared for one terrible moment. “Didn’t think so,” she said with a sigh, turning back to the delicate, almost pretty petals resting innocently in her hand. “Well, this is awkward.”

-x-

Sakura was incandescent with rage. “ _ Dealing with it? _ ” she shrieked, throwing a table across the room and stalking toward Tenten, her body wisping out chakra like a goddamn furnace and heat. “You started coughing up petals and you just thought that you would  _ deal with it? _ ”

“In my defense,” Tenten began quickly before quailing at the way that Sakura spun around, her teeth bared in a snarl. “You’re breaking the tiles,” she pointed out instead, gesturing down to where Sakura’s feet were leaving mini craters in the tiled floor of the hospital. She smiled winningly at Sakura, trying to mimic Lee’s innocence and forgivable nature. 

“I’ll kill you,” Sakura stated flatly, still scowling. She took a deep breath and stepped back, her expression smoothing.

“If you wait a little longer I’ll die anyway,” Tenten joked, before immediately ducking as a chair was thrown in her face. “Woah, okay, bad timing,” she admitted, throwing up her hands in defeat as Sakura began visibly throwing chakra out into the air. “Sorry,” she added, forcing a slight smile. 

Sakura took another deep breath, her eyes turning skyward the way she often did when she was persuading herself to not strangle her teammates with her bare hands. “How long have you been coughing petals,” she finally said, her voice cool and professional. 

“I don’t know,” Tenten admitted with a shrug.

“ _ You. Don’t. Know _ .” Sakura’s hands crushed through the wooden clipboard and the pen she was holding like they were paper. “How do you  _ not know _ when you starting coughing  _ petals? _ ”

“In my defense—” Tenten began again with a sigh, rolling her eyes slightly at the dramatics.

“Did you know about this?” Sakura snapped, wheeling on Hinata who had stood silently, arms crossed and expression severe in the corner of the room.

“I came here with her as soon as I found out,” Hinata said frostily, her flat, almost reptilian, stare fixed on Tenten. “I am well aware of what this means.” She paused for a moment, her expression softening the slightest bit, “And for who the petals may be intended.”

“Don’t think I was subtle about that,” Tenten agreed with a careless shrug, leaning against the wall and crossing her own arms. 

“You both weren’t,” Hinata replied with a hint of a smile. She turned her gaze on Sakura, lips pursed slightly, “Which begs the question,” she began, raising her eyebrows at Sakura.

“Why she has Hanahaki when it’s requited love. I know, Hinata,” Sakura said tiredly, sinking into the single chair that remained undamaged from her rampage and dragging her hand down her face. “I’ll research everything I can about the situation. I’ll even get Shishou to help me figure out a solution.”

“The solution is rather obvious,” Hinata snapped, her gaze sharpening dangerous. “You cut it out!”

“That’s not your decision to make.” The younger girls turned to Tenten who had suddenly straightened, her expression cold and dangerous. In her stance was the flickers of the monster that caused terror in the battlefield and caused her name to still be whispered among missing nin gangs. “It’s my feelings—my lungs. I’ll decide if I want them out.”

“This will  _ kill  _ you,” Hinata pleaded, taking a step toward Tenten, her expression torn and almost anguished. “This is nothing Niisan would have wanted—”

“He’s dead, Hinata,” Tenten responded, voice flat and expression cold. “He lost the right to make a decision about  _ my feelings _ when he died.” She turned her dangerous stare on Sakura then Hinata, “This is my life. I’ll decide what I do with it.” Her eyes remained fixed on the two younger kunoichi until Hinata bit her lip, something like guilt crossing her face and Sakura turned away, jaw tight. With a curt nod, she spun away then paused at the doorway. “Besides,” she added, her voice softer and something close to forgiveness in her eyes, “the man is dead. How quickly will the disease progress when I can’t even see him?” She offered them a wry smile then turned and walked out of the room.

“She’s going to die, isn’t she?” Sakura lamented, staring at the empty doorway.

“She had a handful of petals in her hand today and she just told us she didn’t remember when the disease started,” Hinata said dryly, turning to Sakura with her lips pursed with annoyance. “What do  _ you _ think?”

-x-

Tenten visited Neji’s grave. No, that’s not quite right. Tenten visited the stupid facsimile of a memorial that the Hyuuga Clan had thrown together after Neji’s death, finally appreciating everything he was capable of far too late. She hated the memorial. But the memorial was better than the damned Memorial Stone where she might stumble across anyone that were either trying to mourn their own dead or had heard about her situation. So stupid memorial for Neji on Hyuuga Grounds it was. 

“This is your fault,” she mused, leaning against the headstone and allowing her head to tilt back along it’s curve. It almost felt like the hours they had sat side-by-side watching birds fly by and enjoying the peace and quiet. “I hope you know that.”

Neji didn’t answer. The dead never answered. 

She shifted to stop the way the edge of his gravestone dug into her spine. “I looked up the petals,” she added into the too still air. “Plum blossoms. Apparently you are represented by plum blossoms in my lungs. They have to do with faithfulness. Elegance. Nobility.” She paused, remembering the tilt of his faint smile and the peace of his presence. “I get it,” she mused, nodding slightly and bumping her head against the cold, unresponsive stone. She let out a little laugh, thinking about the innocent looking flowers sitting on her palm. “I think the faithfulness might be killing me, Neji,” she added, ignoring the too hot feeling of her eyes. By god, she hadn’t cried at his funeral, had remained steady against the constant stream of condolences and tears around her; she’d die before she let this break her. 

The air whispered around her, caressing her cheek and rustling her clothes. It felt like teasing. It felt like the long moments when despite Neji’s silence, she had always been able to read his truth, his emotions. It felt like the moments when —

She still wasn’t prepared for the coughs. They tore through her and they tasted like copper in the back of her throat. It felt like someone had stabbed a claw through her throat and attempted to squeeze her lungs in her chest. It felt like fire. 

When the finally faded, the petals made a small pile in her hand. This time, they had flecks of red. It would have been pretty if it wasn’t for the slight scent of blood that clung to them. When the wind whispered through again, its speed felt like disapproval. 

Tenten stood slowly, turning to face the memorial to a man far greater than the stupid monument and the even stupider clan would ever understand. With an almost careless gesture, she scattered the little blood-flecked petals over his grave. “I know you would be furious if you were here,” she admitted, smiling down at the engraving calling Neji a “dutiful shinobi” and an “honorable man.” Her expression hardened, “But you’re not here, Neji,” she said quietly, voicing the resentment that always curled tight and vicious in her lungs. “This would  _ never  _ have happened if you were here.” She drew in a shaky breath, beating back the tightness of her throat and the heat of her eyes. “You  _ left _ ,” she snarled, allowing the anger to finally take her, “you left me all alone and you didn’t fucking  _ care  _ because by god you were going to do your damned  _ duty _ .”

She gritted her teeth, smelling spring in the air and hearing the joy of the birds faraway. She gritted her teeth against the unfairness of it all. Against the fact that Neji, in the end, had lived and died for a clan that would never understand the angry, resentful boy, would never sit by the man that finally made peace. 

“It’s my choice,” she finally said softly, allowing the anger to wash over her then letting it go. She remembered the too cold, too still form of his corpse and the way Hinata had apologized to her, over and over again. “You made yours. I get to make mine.”

-x-

Three weeks later, Sakura is faced with a bloody branch of plum blossoms and enough frustration that a significant portion of the hospital budget has to be redirected to repairs. Enough frustration that she decided to fight dirty. 

“Really Sakura?” The cross of Tenten’s arms were annoyed but the quirk of her lips were almost proud. “You sent  _ Lee _ at me?”

Sakura spun around, dark circles stark on her face and hair pulled back into a haphazard ponytail. “I thought maybe your little brother/best friend/remaining teammate might force you to think with your smart brain and not your vindictive brain,” Sakura blurted out, blinking owlishly at Tenten’s form. She squeezed her eyes shut and smacked a hand to her forehead, “I think I need sleep,” she added, slowly thumping her head against the table. 

The chuckle that Tenten let out was fond as she pushed off the doorway and stepped closer. “Well I can guarantee that concussions won’t help with that. A certain, very intelligent kunoichi screeched that at me once,” Tenten said, gently brushing back Sakura’s wild hair, and smiling gently down at the younger girl. “You’re stressing yourself out,” she added, a crinkle of worry crossing her brow. 

Sakura felt all the worries and recriminations and concerns and despair she had been careful suppressing or drinking away spill out. “You’re  _ dying _ ,” she yelled, her voice twisted with pain and frustration. “You’re dying, Tenten!” Sakura took into a wheezing breath, her teeth gritted and her eyes squeezed painfully shut. “You’re dying and I can’t save you.” The admission sounded torn out of her, like something painful and bloody that was never supposed to be revealed. “That wasn’t supposed to happen anymore.” The last confession is sad, soft, a lot broken and even more confused. She looked up from her half-curled, useless hands, “I wasn't supposed to be unable to save anyone anymore,” she whispered, meeting Tenten’s chocolate brown eyes.

They softened. “You can’t save everyone, Sakura,” Tenten comforted, gently patted her head, a small smile quirking her lips. “Sometimes people die.”

“But I  _ can  _ save you,” Sakura pleaded, her fingers twisting into Tenten’s shirt, the grip almost twisting through the fibers. “Tenten,  _ please. Please let me save you _ .”

Tenten stared down silently at the younger girl whose green eyes were washed gleaming with unshed tears. Her expression was blank as her eyes traced from the bloody plum branch sitting on the table to the scattered scrolls thrown to the floor to the desperate light in Sakura’s eyes. “Okay,” she said gently, carefully tucking a single strand of hair back from Sakura’s face. Sakura’s expression lit up, cautious joy bringing light to her eyes. “Okay.”

-x-

The procedure was laborious, painful, and slow. Tenten remained still and unconscious, floating in the middle of the seal, the glowing hole of her chest reminiscent of another wound that Tsunade had once healed so long ago. Sakura and Tsunade worked tirelessly, pulling from their tattoo as needed and ignoring the way muscles wanted to lock up and stop. Hinata paced through the hallway, eyes darting from Lee and Gai’s uncharacteristically still forms to the blinking indicator that the surgery was still ongoing. 

Tenten remained unaware of all of this. She only woke up three days after the surgery, her lungs newly formed and something missing from her chest. She stared blankly into the distance for the next day, her hand thoughtlessly rubbing slow, constant circles against her chest. She draws in breaths like her lungs have forgotten what to do. There’s a faintly confused expression every time the breath comes easily, like she expects pain to interrupt each moment. 

Her eyes finally focus another two days later. 

“Tenten?” Hinata’s voice is gentle, almost coaxing. She smiles sweetly when Tenten’s eyes finally focus on her own, the strange lax confusion finally drifting away to the usual sharp, dangerous readiness that never quite fades from Tenten’s eyes, post-mission or no. “Tenten?”

“Hinata.” The smile that stretches Tenten’s lips contains no joy. “I’m guessing it was all a success?”

“Yes,” Hinata agreed hesitantly, eyeing the bitter smile on Tenten’s lips with trepidation. “Everything went smoothly. Sakura’s gone to sleep for the next two days,” she added, attempting a joke. 

Tenten’s smile is wry but realer than the previous. “Ah, Sakura,” she said fondly, shaking her head. “That girl fits right in with her teammates for all she protests.” Hinata smiled fuller, reassured by the genuine expression. Tenten sighed, her eyes focusing on something Hinata couldn’t see but worried about nonetheless. “We promised you know.”

Hinata eyed the hand that rose thoughtlessly to Tenten’s chest with a worried frown. “Promised what?” she asked, after a moment of hesitation. The last time she had spoken with Tenten about her cousin, Tenten had coughed up blood. Neji-niisan had become a bit of a taboo topic around the Konoha Twelve the last couple weeks. 

“To live,” Tenten said dryly, with a little roll of her eyes. She smiled and shook her head, the fondness real but something a little empty in her gaze. “We promised each other that whoever survived would live for the benefit of the second as well.” Hinata said nothing, wondering if she was seeing something a little too private. “It was war time and we promised each other to live.” She thumped her head back onto the headboard, her gaze fixed on nothing once more. “Optimistic fool.”

“Neji-niisan?” Hinata asked, a little lost at the turn of the conversation. 

Tenten’s eyes burned as much as her expression was cold. “No, me.” She took in a slow breath, her burning gaze fixed on Hinata’s pale ones like an accusation. Hinata knew despite the eye contact that it was not her Tenten saw. “I swore that the one that survived would live.” Her expression was twisted into something like longing when she stopped looking  _ through  _ Hinata and finally looked  _ at  _ her. “I only ever made that promise because I was sure I wouldn’t be the one that had to live. I was  _ so sure  _ that between the two of us, the rising genius of the Hyuuga Clan and the unknown orphan, I wouldn’t be the one to survive.” The smile she gave Hinata was bitter. “Guess the joke is on me.”

Hinata felt something in her clench and it felt a lot like terror. It felt a lot like the moment when Niisan had collapsed in front of her, his blood staining her hands and his life slipping through her fingers. It felt like a surrender of something she had never been ready to let go of. “Tenten—” her voice frantic, her chest squeezing.

“I don’t love him anymore, remember?” Tenten reminded her, hand squeezing hers gently. “Breath, Hinata.” Hinata ignored the way her breath felt dragged out of her and mustered a calm facade. She didn’t point out that Tenten continued to rub her chest with her free hand, something a little lost in her expression. She couldn’t suppress the worry. “I just keep remembering all these random memories between the two of us but it doesn’t....” she trailed off, anger crossing her face, “but it doesn’t  _ feel  _  like anything anymore,” she said slowly, a jolt passing through her expression. “It doesn’t even feel  _ real _ .”

“I’m sure it’ll fade,” Hinata reassured, fighting the way her expression twisted with uncertainty. “I’m sure.”

Tenten merely laughed, the sound ringing hollow. “You know,” she said slowly, bitter amusement quirking her lips, “I only remembered that promise when I was looking down at Sakura’s desperation. I would have died to spite him but I chose to live because I loved him but I don’t  _ feel  _ it anymore.” She turned her fathomless gaze on Hinata, “It just feels.... hollow.”

Hinata had nothing to say to that. Remaining silent, she merely squeezed her fingers tightly around Tenten’s hand, wondering if perhaps she squeezed tight enough and held on more, she could hold everything together. 

Tenten merely sighed, staring off into the distance. “I wonder what Neji would have chosen?” she suddenly mused, the closest thing to genuine amusement appearing on her face again.

Hinata said nothing. They both knew that Neji would have made the choice that Tenten had wanted to make. They both knew each other; there was a reason that they  _ both  _ had extracted the promise from each other. So Hinata said nothing. And held on. 


End file.
